Archive for the ‘Awards Shows’ Category

Before I get into the evenings best and worst fashions, let me first say I love Justin Timberlake and want to have his baby. *lets out fan girl scream*

Now that we’ve gotten that out of the way (calms down, adjusts wig), let’s get back to why I’ve gathered you all here today: to discuss who looked great and make fun of those who didn’t. I love this part!

While the show itself was a complete snoozefest (save a few performances by Justin Timberlake, Miguel, and Mumford & Sons), I was really excited about the fashions we saw on the red carpet. Especially on the part of stars like Kelly Roland, Miranda Lambert and Katy Perry, who chose to disregard the “no skin” memo and put their breast curvatures proudly on display. Frankly, I don’t know why CBS would issue such a statement in the first place. Part of the allure of “Rock n’ Roll” is a need to break the rules, so for the network to try and harness that makes no sense. Not to mention, the memo came out just a week before the show, when most stars already had their gowns picked out. Really CBS, get your life in order.

Cleavage aside, the evening looked like a grand black and white ball with stars like Beyonce, LL Cool J and Carrie Underwood donning classic looks with lots of glamor. There were of course a few misses, such as Adele, who looked more like a giant drape than a Grammy nominee. I could have made that gown with an old dress pattern and the couch cushions from my therapists office, after which I would really need professional help because the fact that Armani could make such an abomination makes me sad. *cries into a handkerchief*

Now that I’m hopelessly depressed, lets pick this post back up with my favorite of the evening, Miss Katy Perry. It’s kind of hit or miss with her, as she either looks amazing, or like a life-size Bratz doll that fell into a cotton candy machine, but this particular look is perfection. The gorgeous mint green Gucci dress looked amazing against her black hair, and the jewel detail made an otherwise plain look worthy of the red carpet. The dress fit her like a glove, hugging all her ample curves in just the right places. I’m willing to bet she melted quite a few popsicles in that ensemble!

Carrie Underwood is what Taylor Swift could be if she would shut up about her exes and focus on singing in the right key. Between her amazing performance and this red carpet look, Carrie hit all the right notes last night. This elegant Roberto Cavalli gown looked stunning on the blonde beauty, as did the mere 381 carat diamond necklace she accessorized with. It’s a good thing I wasn’t there or her security guards would have had to tackle me as I tried to snatch it off her neck. Hey man, don’t judge me. I could buy a small island with that thing!

Dishonorable mention- I love Florence Welch, but can anyone please tell me why she showed up looking like Natasha Henstridge in Species? The real kicker here is this gown was custom made for her by Roberto Cavalli, the same man who dressed the exquisite Carrie Underwood. They can’t all be winners, I get it, but this is just a little too “Gaga Chic” for me.

And because I can’t end this post without addressing a little celebrity gossip, how funny was Chris Brown’s face when he lost to Frank Ocean mere weeks after beating him to the point where his Grammy debut was in jeopardy? It was so hilarious I almost forgot about Adele’s doyley mumu. Almost…

MISS USA!!!!!!!!

Pop the bottles and pour the champagne ya’ll, cuz our very own Olivia Culpo took the crown of Miss Universe! And while I’m excited for her and the rest of the girls who made it to the top five, I have a job to do. And that is, judge fashion.

This is hard to admit, but I really, really, reaaaaaaally hate Miss USA’s dress. Really. I love her and I’m glad she won, but that dress looked like it belonged on a Holiday Edition Barbie, not a Miss Universe contestant. It didn’t even look comfortable, not to mention she got all caught up in it and almost tripped during the Evening Gown competition. On the opposite end of the fashion spectrum, Miss Brazil’s dress (far left) was to die for! The fit, the detail, the sparkle – everything was perfect and fit for a queen. In my opinion, it’s the type of dress Miss USA should have worn while claiming her new crown.

The rest were just OK – Miss Philippines looked lovely but her dress was just a little too Disney for an international pageant. Miss Australia was pretty despite needing to be a bit more tailored – I especially love the little details on the skirt that reminded me of snowflakes. And contrary to what most everyone else I spoke to thought, Miss Venezuela looked great in her form fitting emerald green gown. It was a little busy and I would have done away with the extra detailing around the hip area, but it was nice.

Too some things up, Miss USA had the crown, Miss Brazil had the dress and I have the sleepy eyes which means it’s bedtime for this blogger. Goodnight all, and congratulations to the new Miss Universe!

As per usual, VMA fashion this year was pretty much a snoozefest. Even Ke$ha, who we can usually depend on to walk the red carpet in a ripped up trashbag and Valtrex bottle clutch was booooring. And what was with Nicki Minaj trying to channel Lady Gaga with her big, yellow/blonde hair? Or Chris Brown, who looked more like a reverend who steals from the collection plate than an R&B star?

But I digress- the biggest fashion faux pas of the evening had to be the abundance of starlets looking more like they were headed to The Oscars than the VMAs. Yes, Taylor Swift looked beautiful and Alicia Keys was stunning as always – but it’s the VMAs for crying out loud. The one place people go to be crazy and express themselves through fashion, not look like they’re going to the prom.

In any case, there were a few who stood out as the evening’s best dressed – here are my picks:

Katy Perry:
Compared to the usual, colorful explosion of candy and glitter we’re used to, Katy Perry’s look was rather boring; but she just looked so pretty! The long, wavy black locks showed how elegant she can look and her flowing, sheer Ellie Saab was the right mix of chic and fun for an event like the VMAs. Other than the fact the sheerness of her dress threatened to expose her lady regions in an Adrienne Bailon-esque wardrobe malfunction of course. Impending wardrobe malfunctions aside though, Katy was a stunner tonight.

Deena Cortese:
It was really hard for me to put her on this list seeing as how she drives me nuts and I can’t stand Jersey Shore, but I really like this ensemble. From the mixed metallic mini-dress to the coordinating jewelry and glittering gold shoes, her look was cute, fun and definitely more sleek than we’re used to seeing from her. Even her face looked prettier, although I suspect that may be the work of an expert plastic surgeon rather than an expert make-up artist.

Miley Cyrus:
While I agree her hairdo was exactly like P!nk’s, this edgy look was a huge departure from Miley’s Hannah Montana days, which I really like. She’s young and still finding herself style-wise so I applaud her taking a risk with this dark look. I especially like how she used her accessories to add just a touch of glamor and sparkle to this otherwise daring outfit.

PSY:
I could care less about what he was wearing, I’m just excited he was there. Seriously, if you don’t know who he is or why he’s so awesome, check out the video below and tell me your life hasn’t changed for the better after having seen that. Ya, exactly.

Now that I’ve covered everything from venereal diseases to Korean pop stars, who are some of your VMA favorites?

Let’s see if I can get through this without falling asleep, cuz this year the outfits on the black carpet were boooooring. Save a few shining stars *cough cough* Demi Lavato, everything else was just strange and disappointing. I mean seriously, did anyone even try this year? Were all the stylists in Hollywood on vacation somewhere? And what the hell was on Katy Perry’s head?

Ok, so life’s most meaningful questions aside, I know you’re all expecting a best dressed list so I’ll give you one – a very short one. Then I’ll give you my worst dressed list cuz that one will be a whole lot more fun.

Best Dressed:

Female- Demi Lovato
This one wasn’t even a question, no one else even came close to looking as stunning as this girl. Her bejeweled gunmetal mini-dress was just gorgeous and hugged her new curvacious figure perfectly. The shoes were to die for and the long, flowing hair was just lovely. And the makeup. Don’t even get me started on the makeup. The glowing skin, the smokey silver eye, the lips -I die! Joe Jonas you screwed up big time!

Male- Lady Gaga as Joe Calderone
Ya, ya so you’re all gonna say I’m crazy for this one but whatever. Gaga looks hot as a dude. I’m not planning on switching teams or anything, I’m just saying if Gaga had a single older brother who looked like this I’d be all over it like cast of the Jersey Shore on a bottle of Valtrex.

Speaking of venereal diseases…

Worst dressed:

Female- The “girls” of Jersey Shore
I know we all expected them to look trashy but come on already. These chicks look like Syphilis wrapped in sequins, spray tanner and cheap lamé. And while they all look gross in their own right, I have to say Deana looks particularly terrifying in her Skittles dress. I would strongly advise anyone who tasted that rainbow to head to the nearest free clinic for a blood test and some antibiotics STAT.

Male (and I use the term loosely)- Justin Bieber
Ok seriously, why the hell did Biebs show up to this thing dressed like Harry Potter? This is an awards show dude, not Hogwart. And what’s with this pensive look? He won an award for a song called Smile for cryin’ out loud. And don’t even get me started on the snake. I mean sure it was shocking…when Britney Spears did it 10 years ago with an actual snake and not some pocket size GloWorm.

Lord, I’ve had just about enough of this for one night. You guys let me know your favorites and least favorites below- I need a drink before my head explodes.

I’m fully aware the Oscars were last night and I normally post my best dressed list right away, but it’s taken me this long to come down from the excitement of James Franco and Ann Hathaway hosting the event. I’m fully aware their hosting skills have been widely panned by pretty much everyone, but I personally think they did a great job. Perhaps I’m a little biased because every time I hear James Franco speak I picture his character in Pineapple Express and start laughing, but I still enjoyed it so it still counts. Wait, that’s not why we’re here is it? Oh, I suppose you expect me to talk about dresses at some point, like that’s my job or something? Oh, wait it is. Touche.

Now that I have you all on the edge of your seats, here is my 2011 Oscars Best Dressed List:

1. Halle Berry - This blinged out Marchesa gown looks just stunning on Halle. The color is amazing against her skin tone and the fit highlights her flawless figure. And I just love that she kept the hair and makeup simple. Then again, when you’re as pretty as she is, you don’t need a whole lot of extras to look good. This is hands down my favorite look of the night; so amazing in fact that I’ve totally forgiven her for her Golden Globes mini-dress debacle. *applause*

2. Mila Kunis - I’m completely in love with this ultra feminine Elie Saab creation. This lovely shade of lavender is so pretty and Mila pulled it off to perfection. Not that I’m surprised, she’s been on pretty much every best dressed list I’ve made this awards season. I know a lot of people find her annoying, but whether you love her or hate her, you gotta admit the girl knows how to dress. And for the record, I love her!

3. Jennifer Lawrence – This girl is nothing short of perfect in this slinky red Calvin Klein number. The dress fit her like a glove, and from those killer curves to the soft hair and make-up, this was the sexiest look of the night for sure.

4. Helen Mirren - I was torn between Helen and Natalie Portman for the last spot on my list, but Natalie already won enough damn awards so I gave it to Helen. And honestly she deserves it – we should all be so lucky as to look this amazing at 65. Her body is flawless in this Vivienne Westwood, and the color is perfect against her fair skin. Don’t even get me started on the hair – I looooove the hair. If ever there was an example of timeless beauty and elegance, this is it. Take notes 20-something Hollywood starlets, cuz you all got PWNED by a 65-year-old!

BONUS – Worst Dressed:

Cate Blanchett - I normally don’t do the whole “worst dressed” thing but honestly, did this woman get lost on her way to the Mayflower? Or perhaps this is a costume for some top secret movie she’s working on about the first Thanksgiving? Either way, it’s just awful. The color is blah, and the yellow beads or buttons or whatever the hell they are look more like Necco wafers then the type of detail one would see on a designer gown. Awful, just awful. *shakes head*

Now that we know how I really feel about this years Oscar fashion, who made your list?